and here is a man killing to forget his past
his name is Max and he is 29 years old
and there was a mom for him
but Ann died a few years ago by her own hand
the love between these two persons was strong and true
eventhough mommy beat until blue
dad had died like twenty years ago
Max can only recall some faint memories of him and can't let go
losing mom was the heaviest thing to Max ever
and he cried like never before
even at the mall he stared at people all dull and bore
Max really hates the human race
he kills off people in a decent pace
he hates himself and can't see the reason why
I guess he should be send to eternal night
and what was the girl's name?
let me free
the frailties of my kind
sex, tied and blind
in bed and closed inside
eyes, lids as the blanket
are blank before I die
please help me dye my mind
and save me from the black
I pray for insanity
I'm prey to insanity
I fade into
the banks of the river I cry
are crowded and the crows that pick what's left
turn their heads east and west not knowing
what would be the best
what would be the best
you make me hated
complicated
unliberated
you make me hate it
hate it
you make me rated
rejuvenated
irritated
it's pathetic, ain't it
ain't it?
bind me with laws
mutilate my claws
fill my life with urges, needs and flaws
turn my world
upside down
imperfection incarnate
how can someone
be happy with this
middlestream swimmer fucks should stop and see the
sin in us
us in sin
our personal assassins
no, love is all you have
don't devote to your plans
don't squeeze your fist, hold her hand
instead of lies, you should compromise
seize the broomstick, enjoy your lives
god gave us life, god will take it away
life is a blink of an eye and half the time we pray
the selfish type deserves no grief
what the fuck did you achieve?
what?
a fig leaf drops on my shame
I'm no longer opprobrious
as I'm building a scene on my name
I feel my true self glabrous
there used to be only one leaf
now I'm more like a fig tree
summer is gone and now comes fall
these leaves drop and I lose it all
am I a big fish
in a small pond?
or a wee fish
in a broad pond?
I'm just gonna go
fig leaves
in the
fig leaves
in the
garden of Eden
I'm trying to get even
I'm tired, I'm leaving
I'm just gonna go
if there is a fish just like me
in this sinister sea
I'll jiggle my tail until I find thee
together we can be
we shall seek the nearest beachhead
and rise from this sea of self-dread
we'll enter a new world together
where tears shall never be shed
am I a big fish
in a small pond?
or a wee fish
in a broad pond?
I'm just gonna go
fig leaves
in the
fig leaves
in the
garden of Eden
I'm trying to get even
I'm tired, I'm leaving
I'm just gonna go
"It's not your fault."
"Why not?"
"No, god..."
"Boy, you're dreaming."
"Where's justice, saviour? "
"Fuck off, you..."
"Fuck me?"
"...unbenign being!"
prove me something to be true
you can't see clearly
name one universal thing that you see as a whole
to me, without starting just another broken lie...
oh, if I could go back
don't act like you didn't know that he is weak,
that he needs more to be what he really is,
someone please, help this soul to understand
that we're all children and precious in someone's eyes,
oh, father help me
support me
help me love
and back me up when I need an alibi
these red lines entwine and banish
lines twist and vanish
there's no god, no connection, no line of blood
we all are what we are, not who we want,
not even god can deny that I'm right,
"Am I right?"
"Jesus..."
"Jesus?"
"Help me out here!"
"Help me to understand?"
"That's right, so?"
"So what?"
someone please, help this soul to understand
that we're all children and precious in someone's eyes,
oh, father help me
support me
help me love
and back me up when I need an alibi
the time has taken all
that ever could've been ours
into the great unknown
unsafe and scared
unfair and pale faced
left in the gutter of life
pale shimmer failure
grinding yet still
grinding yet still
left in the gutter of life
pale shimmer failure
grinding yet still
grinding yet still
let me be the sinner
let me be who I am
not that what you had in mind for me
I remember the summer's gentle breeze
the faint and distant peace
gone as the flames
that once kept the wood in fire
god, I'm tired
and like the ashes
I am now longing for
what once kept me warm
and over me it washes
an autumn soul
a restless fool
before
a summer's child
lost in all this blight
I remember the nature's serenity
what we change for all eternity
gone as the innocence
we lose as we form the first lies
god, I'm tired
an autumn soul
a restless fool
before
a summer's child
lost in all this blight
and I came across the shoreline
I was following my bloodline
had no clue about them entwining
the earth must've felt my whining
as I walked by, gave her a curious eye
I had become numb and kinda shy
they dismissed me as a bum
a mother and the child
ashamed of me and they were so filed
in my mind as people I don't even want to know
I tightened my hood even tighter
I remember her from years back
when I think I was only going to get her bag
during those black years and autumn time despairs
I had taken her innocence and put something in her
an autumn soul
a restless fool
before
a summer's child
my last hopes
the child was mine
lost in all this blight
I scratch more to find
what lies under this reddish crust
naive innocence
guess that goes for my flaw
'thy shy smile is so beautiful'
she used to say
fierce fire burned it away
and still the light of her halo
tried to say stay
I'm avoiding to explain
so I see greater dominance in silence
and like she before me
I have no words to explain
self-lobotomized
symbol of denial next to me
deviant and godly was she
and what was I left to be
feast upon the matter
not wanted to be seen
devoured by the
memories of what I've been
feast upon the matter
not wanted to be seen
devoured by the
memories of what I've been
a bit of a stain in me slowly suffocating
symbol of love began to get hazy, distorted
I despise the fact I still feel for them
I am changed almost beyond recognition
I am changed almost
left in the black haze
ah, yes, it's them, always them
and on them I lay my gaze
I lay hidden in ambush
dreaming the last of my innocence away
my innocence away
my innocence away
I'm gathering all the fractions
hit after hit, struggling
the blood is all splattering
and pulsing..pulsing... and it greets
the blackness of my actions
thirst for revenge, something
my breath is damn shattering
and counting... and it greets
a victim of my actions
I have stopped for caring
me, unbenign being
all because of the shame I've been avoiding and circling
self-lobotomized
symbol of denial next to me
deviant and godly was she
and what was I left to be
feast upon the matter
not wanted to be seen
devoured by the
memories of what I've been
feast upon the matter
not wanted to be seen
devoured by the
memories of what I've been
the love was so strong and true
eventhough you beat me until blue
I feed with a kill and hope to feel better
for losing you was the heaviest thing ever
these horrible matters
I cannot cling hold onto it
bitterness aligns with my name and I wonder:
"will the things I've done conceal the real me even after I'm gone?"
and I am gone -
I go down again
"hey mommy."
"yes, son?"
"you could've had left the lights on"
as autumn brings the black glass ice
darkness wakes up these disgustingly ugly minds
I am an empty skull
a doll and dull
yet a fucking raging bull
it's of no importance
who I am
who I was
shame
shame on you
you are hopeless, please
your tree spawns only mindless freaks
and the leaves grow dead
on the north side of the, side of the tree
oh father, you seem to have your ways
in to the womb of a woman last hopes I lay
I tattoo Emma on my heart
I tattoo this dilemma in your womb
you are beautiful
now you are full
you are a red line
and you were a wife
I made you pregnant
I forced you, didn't I
I left you blind
human garbage to find
rotting dying wreck
spitting out a maggot from the rot
foul
fool
you are hopeless, please
your tree spawns only mindless freaks
and the leaves grow dead
on the north side of the, side of the tree
the breathing's hard
when oxygen is running low
the movement stopped
right before the kill began
fear
love
death
mom
the blood drops
turn into a river
the screaming stopped
right before the silence
what if there was someone to stop me
what if I was somewhere else?
maybe the time isn't the reason
when moment passes us by
what if you had said that you love me?
what if you had showed that you cared?
maybe then I am not guilty
of leaving you behind us
